{"id":1355,"date":"2008-06-05T13:47:56","date_gmt":"2008-06-05T17:47:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shermandorn.com\/wordpress\/?p=1355"},"modified":"2008-06-05T13:47:56","modified_gmt":"2008-06-05T17:47:56","slug":"galaxy-heeds-mike-petrilli","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/?p=1355","title":{"rendered":"Galaxy heeds Mike Petrilli"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>After Mike Petrilli&#8217;s <a href=\"http:\/\/www.edexcellence.net\/gadfly\/index.cfm?issue=342#a4043\">opinion piece on the costs of teacher obesity<\/a>, the Milky Way galaxy has issued a press release saying it is <a href=\"http:\/\/news.cnet.com\/8301-10784_3-9960025-7.html?part=rss&#038;subj=news&amp;tag=2547-1_3-0-20\">undergoing bariatric surgery<\/a>. Said Way, &#8220;No one likes to give up the pleasures of the occasional ice cream or supernova, but I&#8217;m just getting too fat around the spirals. My doctors tell me that my growing girth around the central black hole is a danger to my health, and that there is no other way to fight this galactic spread, so I&#8217;ll be having two of my arms surgically reduced.&#8221; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After Mike Petrilli&#8217;s opinion piece on the costs of teacher obesity, the Milky Way galaxy has issued a press release saying it is undergoing bariatric surgery. Said Way, &#8220;No one likes to give up the pleasures of the occasional ice cream or supernova, but I&#8217;m just getting too fat around the spirals. My doctors tell [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1355","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-education-policy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pag0MB-lR","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1355","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1355"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1355\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1355"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1355"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1355"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}