{"id":2657,"date":"2010-10-31T17:27:21","date_gmt":"2010-10-31T21:27:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shermandorn.com\/wordpress\/?p=2657"},"modified":"2010-10-31T10:00:11","modified_gmt":"2010-10-31T14:00:11","slug":"helicopter-parent-with-rpg-rocket-propelled-grandstanding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shermandorn.com\/?p=2657","title":{"rendered":"Helicopter parent with RPG (rocket-propelled grandstanding)"},"content":{"rendered":"

I'm visiting my daughter this weekend, and apart from enjoying the considerably cooler weather and just-past-peak leaves (those in New England, stop laughing: I live in Florida, and when I left Tampa, it was 86 F. and humid), I've been thinking about parent-child relationships after the adult child goes to college. A number of parents of this college's students are on a Google group, and the discussions are fascinating. I parked on the campus Friday morning, picked up the latest issue of the newspaper, and saw two articles on two of the hot topics on the parents' list. Whew!<\/em> I thought. The students are on top of things<\/em>. <\/p>\n

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That doesn't mean that my concerns about a parent with an individual student are gone; I'm a parent and will be concerned about my daughter's welfare as long as I'm alive. But the paper and some discussions I had with other parents made me think about the different ways that parents interact with their adult children and colleges\/universities. I feel very lucky that our daughter is actively trying to figure out where we fit in her life. She does tell us some of what's going on, she listens to advice (whether she takes it is a different matter, obviously!), and most importantly she tells us when she no longer wants to talk about her life in college or a specific topic. <\/p>\n

I think most of my fellow parents I've talked with are experiencing similar dynamics and renegotiations of their relationships with adult children. I've been a little worried the few times when I've heard a fellow parent say something like, "I'm paying $$$$ for this education, and I certainly have a right to expect X." No, I think, that's not exactly true: if it were, students on financial aid should expect less, and I don't think you really meant that. But I do understand the temptation to frame an issue in that way! I suspect that the consumerist language of some parents is a reflection of this renegotiated parenting relationship. If we can't say we're the parent and we have legal authority over our children's education (and we can't), then maybe a contractual\/consumer relationship is the leverage we try. For a few parents, it's also frustration when they fear their adult children are not going to advocate for themselves ("my son\/daughter doesn't want to seem to be a complainer"). But learning the right time and place to point out what's wrong (and how to do it effectively) is one of the skills adults need. <\/p>\n

So I've been thinking about the times when parents of college students can step in and for what end. My current thoughts (which are likely to change in the next seven or eight years!):<\/p>\n