Galaxy heeds Mike Petrilli

After Mike Petrilli’s opinion piece on the costs of teacher obesity, the Milky Way galaxy has issued a press release saying it is undergoing bariatric surgery. Said Way, “No one likes to give up the pleasures of the occasional ice cream or supernova, but I’m just getting too fat around the spirals. My doctors tell me that my growing girth around the central black hole is a danger to my health, and that there is no other way to fight this galactic spread, so I’ll be having two of my arms surgically reduced.”